Monday, June 20, 2011

the tiniest heartbeat!

I am in love! We got to hear our baby's heartbeat today! We are measuring at 5 weeks, 5 days- and it's heartbeat was 115bpm. The Dr. said we were lucky to hear it since we were so early. She said if our appt. had been earlier in the day we may not have even heard it. It was the most amazing thing ever!

I was so nervous, especially when she first started the ultrasound she made me get up and go to the bathroom because my bladder was full...I was like, "oh no, she doesn't see anything!". Then when she started again, she wasn't sure at first, then she saw the faintest flicker. It was just the most precious thing I've ever seen, the tiny dot on the screen. I never got to see that with our first baby. I started to tear up, and so did the hubby. He had never heard or seen an ultrasound before, so it was really neat to watch him as he got to see his baby for the first time.

We feel SO blessed, and are So thankful for all of the prayers that we have been receiving. We just ask that everyone keeps praying, we really want to have a healthy baby. We can't contain our excitement, and we can't thank God enough.

We go back July 5th for another appointment, and I cannot wait to see how everything is growing.

And before I forget, they set our due date at February 15th. It just so happens that I have a nephew who was born on the 13th and 2 nephews (from 2 different brothers) whose bday's are on Valentine's day. So it looks like from here on out we're gonna be broke in the month of February. But, I can't wait!!!

Here's what Baby B looks like today:

Yah, it's that tiny dot to the left! 

Saturday, June 18, 2011


This week has seemed to just DRAG on. Partly, because I felt terrible most of it, and partly because my ultrasound is on Monday. I am so nervous, I keep having the most terrible, awful nightmares. I don't even want to say them out loud because that would be like claiming them in some way. I'm just gonna put my faith in God and hope and pray and hope and pray.

My appointment isn't even until 4:15 on Monday, of course it's like the LAST appt. of the day. Which just gives me more time to sit and worry. So glad my hubby is off Monday's, I take a lot of comfort in the fact that he will be there holding my hand. And, we've already talked about everything, and we know we can get through ANYTHING together. We are just both SO hopeful that the baby will be measuring right, and hopefully we'll see its heart beat! Keep praying!!!

Saturday, June 11, 2011


After a loss 2 years ago, and two years of nothing, even with a few failed rounds of looks like me and the hubby are pregnant again! Saying it out loud scares me, to actually claim it as the truth. I'm actually less scared than I thought I would be, but every time I feel a little crampy I get seriously afraid. On the other hand, I am ecstatic, in a daze. I can't praise God enough for answered prayers...but steadily doubt creeps his ugly head in every now and again.

We found out about the pregnancy on my husband's birthday. (June 1st) It had been a while since my last period, but for me that is sometimes totally normal. After our last failed round of clomid, we decided to take a break. So for the last few months I haven't been tracking my cycles or anything. I had a leftover pregnancy test, and I figured- why not? So, I took it. And nothing showed up. I took a bath and as I got up to dry off, there it was, a tiny, faint pink line. I was overjoyed, afraid, and skeptical. Those of us who suffer from infertility know the feeling, I kept thinking maybe it was an evap line from sitting for too long...or my imagination.

Needless to say, I made the hubby pick up another test. And it was still a positive. I waited until the following Monday, and went to the Dr. for a beta. The next day they called and said it was a confirmed early pregnancy, somewhere between 4-6 weeks. They're not exactly sure because I can't remember when my last menstrual cycle was, that makes me feel like a terrible infertile, but we were on a much needed break. It's kind of funny how it happened AFTER a few FAILED rounds of clomid...(those relax and just let it happen people can still bite me! lol)

So as for now, we have only told our parents and siblings. It makes me sad to be skeptical, but I am still afraid. So those of you that know me, or any of my family in REAL life, please keep this secret along with me just for awhile. Blogging is just such a nice way to let out my feelings, and I have been debating whether or not to write anything about it at all, but I couldn't hold it in any longer.

As for now, we wait. I go in for a "viability ultrasound" on Monday the 20th. I hate that name. It scares me. Viability. Like they're saying there's a chance something could be wrong. I know that's not the case, but that's just how I'm feeling at the moment. I would love if everyone that does so could keep me and my hubby, and especially our baby, in your prayers. We need them. And we would really appreciate them. I will try to keep my blog updated.